What if life is just like shopping? A different way of looking at mistakes.
Photo by me. Shoe shopping is the ultimate shopping experience, right?! (or obsession) I used to revamp, paint, (vintage) shoes. This was actually one of the things that I explored and realised it wasn’t right for me as a profession. There where other things I simply enjoyed more.
Mistakes
If you are human you make them. I make them all the time. What’s different is that I’m no longer hard on myself for making them. Perfection is not an option for a human. It means flawless! In a whole lifetime, not one single flaw, not one misspoken word, or mischosen choice, or forgetting the time, not being late with anything (I’ve been running late ever since I was a teen), no misunderstanding yourself or each other. Does that sound even the tiniest bit plausible?! I can probably not even be flawless for an hour, make that a minute, not even that. So personally I gave up on this perfectionism thing and have chosen to lovingly and kindly embrace the beautiful flawed human being that I am. I tried so hard to be a perfectionist but it is just so damn exhausting. Being flawed and human just sounded so much easier than being flawless, so I gave that a go and it turns out to be way more fun. Lighter, more joyful, more peaceful and way more fulfilling. A kinder softer, and surprisingly, more powerful way of living.
A different way of looking at mistakes
I started looking at mistakes differently, cause as a former perfectionist, mistakes blocked me. (Read also: Aha moment: Perfectionism is continuous losing, for more on the pain loop that is perfectionism.) I would judge myself unworthy, not good enough and the pain and fear it created paralized me from taking further steps, at least for a while, towards my dreams. You know the stop-start-stop-start dance or wanting to stop all together cause the chase of doing it perfectly was just too painful and so so unattainable.
I would love to invite you to look at it in a different way. A kinder and more loving way. What if you think of it as exploring. Just out of curiosity. You are trying out things in life, and you only know if it fits you rightly if you try them out.
What if life is just like shopping?
Like when you do when you go shopping for clothes. When you need new pants, for example, you go to the store and you have to try them on. Especially with pants we know we gotta try them on, there is no guessing with pants. Often clothes that either look great or not that exciting on the hanger, wear very differently. Sometimes it looks better than expected, sometimes it was not at all what you thought it was gonna look like. Or it used to be completely your thing but you’re just not feeling it anymore. Your style has evolved.
Well with a lot of things in life this is the same, we gotta try it on and out to see if it is a fit for us personally now. Something that looks great on a friend might not be at all a fit for us. This is the same for passions, dreams, the way to go about things, what you say or don’t want to say, what you’d like to do or not like to do, which people you want to hang out with, what kind of relationships you do and don’t want, what foods you like and so on.
Browse the store. Try things on.
What if life is just like shopping. We are trying out things, situations, people, passions, dreams and see if we fit and flow together, in this present moment. Cause your taste changes, you are continuously evolving. What you liked or fitted you last year, might not be the same. That’s why curiosity will keep you connected with your present true self. It’s an openness to keep trying things out. A willingness to keep an open mind. An openness to look honestly at how things fit now. If you try it and love it, you continue with it, if not you don’t. That simple.
Curiosity will keep you connected with your present true self
The definition of curiosity (from oxford languages dictionary) is a strong desire to know or learn something. Curiosity about you and your life, I feel, is a strong desire to know yourself, learn about who you are and what is a true life for you.
You are shopping in life. Exploring new styles, fits, colors. And if you love it, “rock that outfit”. If you don’t, simply leave it on the hanger. If you bought it and don’t love it, you can choose to exchange it. Or give it away.
When you try something out, always give yourself the openness to be able to stop when you know it isn’t truly for you. The perfectionist would beat him/herself up, “I didn’t finish what I started”, “I am a failure” or ”I knew I couldn’t do it” etc. But the shopper, the explorer, is simply like: “I tried it out and it isn’t for me right now” or “I kinda liked that but more as a hobby than a profession” or “I thought I would love it but doing it was different and not as fun as I thought it would be. I’m gonna try something different.” or “I kinda liked it but didn’t like the way I went about it. There was still this hidden pressure. I wonder what it would be like if I could relax and do it. Would I enjoy it more?”. A curious approach. Just wondering what that would taste like and simply tasting it and see if you like it.
Mistake: You bought something that wasn’t a good fit. Don’t we all. It’s okay. Now you know.
Instead of fighting with the idea that I should be perfect, and keep missing the mark, and being hard on myself, I choose to do it differently. I choose to accept that I am a flawed human, a beautiful flawed human, and I make mistakes, all the f*cking time. I make mistakes, sometimes big, sometimes small, sometimes embarrassing (oh the embarrassing ones!) and anything in between. And that is okay. I accept that (which is easy one day and more challenging the other, c’est la vie).
Learning starts with not knowing
It is part of human nature. It’s part of how we evolve, it’s actually natural. I am human. Learning and evolving starts with not knowing.
When I hear people say that they love learning, I always have to smile a bit (out of compassionate recognition, I have said the same!), cause most people absolutely do not like not knowing. I did not either, I had to really surrender to the not knowing. But learning starts with not knowing and often leads to more unknown areas. Learning is not knowing and the desire to get to know something.
Mistakes are here to help you know
Mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and is just as valuable as each other step in the knowing and growing process. It’s guiding you in the right direction. A mistake is telling you something. It is saying not this way or not like this. Mistakes are actually very helpful. It’s life, nature, communicating with you. You listen and move on. You don’t have to stay there. There is a tendency to live there, at and in your mistake, but the message is don’t live here. So don’t. Take the wisdom, the lesson, the insight about what not to do or be and go to where it does feel good and right to you.
Mistakes are actually very helpful. It’s life, nature, communicating with you. You listen and move on. You don’t have to stay there. There is a tendency to live there, at and in your mistake, but the message is don’t live here. So don’t.
Not knowing becomes knowing better
As Maya Angelou says, “When you know better, you do better.” Accept when you didn’t know. You can learn and do better next time. Not knowing is part of being human.
Evolution is to not know at first and then to know better and do better. We are humans who are constantly in evolution. So constantly we will not know. And then we will learn and know better. Do better. And then, look at that, there’s not knowing again, well hello there! Lets become friendly won’t we, seems like we will be companions for life!
I love what they say in yoga, “Growth feels like one step back and then two steps forward.” When you feel like you’re falling, know that the bounce back is exponentionally higher deeper fuller truer. That is a law of life.
Shop till you drop ;)
Remember that life is an exploration. When I make a mistake, I am kind to myself, own and accept it. I remind myself that I’m just shopping, exploring all the styles and colors in life seeing if it’s a fit for me. I’m just being curious. I want to be brave enough to go on this life adventure and explore. Live it, taste it. And no, I don’t always know which way to go, but then if I knew it wouldn’t be an adventure, what would be the fun in that!
It’s not a flawless process, life. Cause you’re human. All the time. In every moment. And that’s okay, remember? Explore this beautiful precious life of yours. Shop till you drop ;).
Rock that life of yours.
With love,
An-na
PS: Share the fun. Know someone who would also enjoy Crazy bright light, send them this article. You can subscribe here. Thanks for the support!
