I have turned into soup. The Mush stage.

The Mushselflove

Oct 30

I first heard about The Mush stage in an article in O mag by Martha Beck. It was a big revelation and comfort to hear. She was talking about how the transformation of butterflies are so well known and such a beautiful metaphor for changes we go through in life. But that there was one stage that is less known and actually super amazing. Where and how the transformation takes place. It’s the soup stage, the mush. Or the scientific name: Chrysalis. I shall, though, keep naming it the soup/mush stage.

The Mush stage:

It’s the third stage, after being an egg and caterpillar. It then turns into a sort of cocoon: the Chrysalis.

“A caterpillar's body turns to liquid form and it is rebuilt as a butterfly...Inside the chrysalis, several things are happening and it is not a “resting” stage. The caterpillar’s old body dies inside the chrysalis and a new body with beautiful wings appears after a couple of weeks” (-source sciencing.com)

What happens is the body of the caterpillar dissolves into liquid, imaginal cells (which can become any number of body part) and some leftover bodyparts that are useful in the building of the butterfly. Which is the next step.

(scroll to 6.15 for the Soup phase or watch the whole transformation being explained by four tiny cute kids (it’s why I choose this video :) sooo cute)

As Martha said it, the caterpillar dissolves into a sort of soup. And from that soup, which is liquid with cells, the butterfly is made.

The comfort of knowing you’re in the soup stage

Actually I was already so comforted just knowing that this stage exists and it’s the reason I wanted to share it. It’s the less talked about stage. It’s an awkward stage, especially if you don’t know it’s existence. The comfort was that, wow okay, this is a real stage!! And the next step is actually becoming the butterfly, which is also great to know. But mostly it was knowing, OMG, the soup stage is a real stage, it’s NOT just me!

I’ve been in many soupy periods before I knew this. And I would think that I was completely lost and on the wrong path and doubting everything. Not knowing where, what, how or who I am. You know when you just know next to nothing. That moment when you’re feeling, not only this is the wrong path, but you’re just in the freaking wilderness, there is NO more path, just wild everywhere. SOUP. The Mush. I have become liquid, soupy, mush. And I take huge comfort in knowing this is just the phase between caterpillar and becoming an actual butterfly.

It’s a totally amazing and uncomfortable phase

Of course this phase is uncomfortable, I mean the caterpillar is becoming soup, that sounds like an intense moment there. Going from solid form to a liquid with cells, sounds kinda like a big transition. And that’s not even all. After becoming soup, you rebuilt into a butterfly. So yes, lots happening in this phase, while the cocoon seems to be just hanging from a branch. Seemingly resting, from the outside. Totally amazing.

From solid to liquid to solid again

Funnily enough, when I hit soup phase, I am often in resting mode, a slower pace. I guess because there is so much going on inside. It’s letting go of old ideas of myself, or old stories that are finished or no longer true. Anything that is no longer true, whether it’s work or health or relationships, anything, and wants to be released. And soon after becoming soup, the new, what’s true now, wants to emerge. It’s all over the place. Cause I’m usually still trying to process the letting go of the old stuff, while the new is already coming in. It feels very MUSHY. It’s releasing and preparing to create new life at the same time. It feels like I’ve gone from solid to liquid, I’ve become mush, and the mush wants to become solid again. Lots happening. It’s happening. Let it happen. (I’m talking to myself!) It’s natural, it’s a phase. Let the Mush be mush. It knows what to do (still talking to myself). Maybe even enjoy it.

You might wanna run away from the Mush

I feel ya. I’m surprised at all the creative ways that I can come up with to run away. Even when I made the deliberate choice not to run. Running away is no longer an option. And still I found a way. I tried to run through it really really fast. I set myself two weeks of full on processing and healing. I was going all in with this. Two weeks and get it over with. Two weeks past and I was still Mushy. And I realized, OMG, I tried to run away from the uncomfortableness by running through it as fast as possible. (The realization made me laugh.) And I did feel lots of things but not the whole extend of it. It did not work and I realized, I gotta relax into the soup. The Mush will be Mush as long as it takes to rebuilt into a butterfly. I gotta do the full surrender thing. Re-find the sweet spot between running and pushing.

Trust in the Mush power

I take comfort in knowing the existence of this phase. It’s natural. I’m learning to trust this phase. Letting the mush be mush and trust that it will know what to do. Forces of nature are at work here and I’m part of nature, so I can do this! Relax, trust and surrender. Trust in the power of the Mush. Cause wow it is an amazing power, being able to transforms from one kind of creature to such a different one. Let the mush do it’s totally amazing thing. I’m just hanging out on my branch seemingly resting while the soup turns into a beautiful butterfly (while keeping an eye on myself to NOT hatch another escape plan haha). Who knows maybe I’ll even have fun and enjoy this hanging on my branch, being soup :).

If you’re in the Mush, shine on from your beautiful branch. Can’t wait to see the butterflies we become.

Big hug (missing the hugs) and lots of love,

An-na

An-na Hu