Watching tennis taught me about winning in the game of life
Me and my husband Jack on my birthday in 2018. Federer made a surprise announcement to play the tournament in Rotterdam, to try to become world no. 1 again. And I got tickets for my bday. A dream come true! Thank the tennis gods! It was so much fun!
Watching tennis is my absolute joy and, as a bonus, happens to be my mental bootcamp, spiritual retreat and life school, all in one. I always watch the big tournaments, the grand slams, which take place four times a year. I try to catch some of the other ones as well, there’s just so much tennis goodness! You might know at least Wimbledon, there’s Roland Garros in Paris, the US open in New York. And, due to rescheduling, the Australian Open took place this february instead of the usual januari.
Now I’m gonna do my best not to just geek out about tennis, cause I am a HUGE tennis fan. It’s a big joy in my life to watch tennis. I count it as selfcare, when these tournaments are on, to clear out my schedule as much as possible to watch it. And you have to make the time, cause a Grand Slam has soooo many daily matches (that can last from anywhere from 1 to 6 hours) for most of the two weeks it takes place in. Watching tennis is not just a joy for me, the extra bonus is that it is sort of an effortless mental bootcamp for me. Watching tennis has taught me so much about the game of life, and it continues to do so.
The rules of the game of life
The game of tennis is a beautiful way to observe the rules, aka the laws, of the game of life. What I noticed while watching tennis more and more was that you get to see why some players are winning and why they are losing. Why they go up and down in a match or are completely not competitive in the moment although they are very talented on a good day. Through watching the matches, the interviews and tennis commentaries I heard and witnessed the winning combinations of winning. What it takes to win in tennis felt one on one with what you need in life to “win”. And for me winning in life is happiness, true joy and peace, the freedom of being yourself and going for and living your dreams. The fulfillment of being and living who you truly are.
I’m gonna share with you what I learned about happiness and winning in life, while I was just watching tennis. Isn’t it cool that you can learn from just about anything! Every time I watch tennis I see these lessons come by and it is an absolute refocus for me. Yes this is the way it works. It does for me. Try it out to see for yourself.
“Sports teaches you character, it teaches you to play by the rules, it teaches you to know what if feels like to win and lose, it teaches you about life.” Billie Jean King
PS: all the quotes in this article are from tennis players of course :)
The people who keep on winning consistently are the ones who consistently practice and are deeply committed to these laws of the game of tennis, and life.
Tennis wisdoms for winning in life:
1. Tennis is a game
First of all: tennis is a game = life is a game. You play to enjoy it. You play because you love the game and because you enjoy playing. They love what they do and are aware of it. Tennis players are grateful for the opportunity of playing the game. Enjoy the game of life. Live like you love it. Be grateful for the opportunity. The ultimate glory is being happy, enjoying life.
“The glory is being happy. The glory is not winning here or winning there. The glory is enjoying practicing, enjoy every day, enjoying to work hard, trying to be a better player than before.” Rafael Nadal
2. The life cycle of being a pro tennis player
A tennis player, as any other pro athlete, is very aware of the life cycle of being a pro tennis player. This means everyone knows at a point he or she will have to say goodbye to playing pro tennis. It’s a career that depends on the fitness of the body and there will come a time when it won’t be competitive enough anymore or the body or even the mind needs rest from the game.
What I take from this is, firstly: Life is a cyclical experience. It’s a constant cycle. There is a beginning, middle and end. Like the seasons in nature. This is the story of life. When something ends, there is a new beginning. A new story, a new adventure. It’s natural.
Which is such an important realisation, every experience in life is a cycle. Babies turn into kids and then adults, and then a life of their own. An internship turns into a job/ career and then turns into retirement. Or one career ends and another one starts in the case of a tennis player and many others. Every ending leads to a new adventure. A new chapter to your story. The awareness helps to appreciate the journey now.
Knowing life unfolds in cycles is a very comforting thing to me, it is natural for something to evolve and end, which creates another beginning. Before I knew this law of life, I used to think: why do I keep ending up at the beginning?! I felt frustrated because I thought I couldn’t get past the beginning. Now I know, oh I’m at the beginning of a new chapter or a complete new story. It’s good to know to keep your sanity :)!
What I also see is that because they know being pro isn’t forever, they take care of themselves. They want to have an optimal healthy body, that can give them an optimal career with results and longevity. This translates to the same in life. We want an optimal = happy and full life, so we want to take care of ourselves in a way that promotes health and longevity of life.
3. There is only winning or learning
This is a brilliant quote that goes around the tennis world, about how losing doesn’t exist, I don’t quite know where it originated (maybe Nelson Mandela’s quote: “I never lose. I either win or learn.”), but it keeps coming back:
“There is only winning or learning.”
As long as you learn from a loss, there is never truly a loss. As long as you’re learning you’re always winning in a way. I find this one soooo liberating. I stopped feeling like a loser, cause if I can do one thing that is learn and as long as I keep learning, I am “winning” at life. It changed my mindset about losing. It released a lot of fear about losing, just by looking at it differently. Losing = learning = winning, freed me to be able to go and play full out.
“Losing is not my enemy. The fear of losing is my enemy.” Rafeal Nadal
“I’ve grown most not from victories, but setbacks. If winning is God’s reward, then losing is how he teaches us.” Serena Williams
4. You know who you are
You want to win. If you lose however, it can be a temporary disappointment, but it does not change who you are and it does not impact your happiness long term or who you are. You still know who you are and you don’t let the loss take over your life. You never lose who you are.
“Winning or losing, it doesn’t change who I am” - Rafael Nadal
What a relief that is! I am always who I am and cannot lose my true self. Not even when it looks like I’m “losing”.
“You’ve got to get to the stage of life where going for it is more important than winning or losing.” Arthur Ashe
5. Confidence
Confidence. This word comes back over and over. You can see it. It’s talked about often, in interviews and during the match commentary. Confidence means you are on a roll, you’re probably winning, you’re hitting all the shots, you know you got this, you are in flow. The best matches are when both are confident. It means you get to see amazing tennis. The talent is unleashed and it is beautiful to watch.
“Once you find that peace, that place of peace and quiet, harmony and confidence, that’s when you start playing your best.” Roger Federer
Confidence is believing and trusting fully in yourself and your abilities.
It is a fickle thing, confidence, you can lose it in an instant, you can find it out of nowhere. Sometimes they’re on a winning streak, winning 40 matches on a roll and as you can imagine, that is a strong sort of confidence that makes one seemingly invincible. What I can say about it is confidence is a STRONG force. Believing in yourself, your abilities and your potential makes you unstoppable. You know who you are and are living who you are. Things seem to magically unfold for you.
“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does.” Serena Williams
Confidence is a highly prized and sought after power in tennis and life. It opens you up to the zone, the flow of life. Where magic lives.
6. Play point to point
Playing point to point is one of the core tennis teachings. Playing point to point means you don’t think about the last point and whatever did or did not happen for you, win or lose, you don’t let the past point distract you. It also means no looking ahead. Maybe in points you’re either ahead or behind but you’re not to be distracted by the future. You play this point, now. Every point matters, has the same value. To play point to point = living in the now. Taking it step by step and focusing on this one step right now. Every step matters and has its value.
“I play each point like my life depends on it.” Rafael Nadal
You can immediately tell when a player is not playing point to point, they start missing their shots, even their best ones, they start to lose points, their confidence, their cool. For life this is also the case.
Living in the now = “winning”
The good news is that you can always get back to playing this point now. At any point in the game of tennis, as in life, you can get back to the now and start winning again. I’ve seen players who seemed down and out, match almost over, where the other player had a match point to win the game, come back and win the whole thing. Which is always so inspiring to me.
“If you still have one more point to play, no matter what the score is, you still got a chance to make a difference in your favor.” Victoria Azarenka
7. Emotional resilience and strength
When you are behind, scorewise, or making mistakes, how do you handle it? Can you turn around emotional disappointment? When you fall, can you rise up again?
When losing a point or making a mistake can you get out of negative self talk and negative emotion? Can you stop beating yourself up? (sometimes quite literally, out of frustration some players beat themselves with their racquet) Can you stop, or even not start, beating yourself up?
"The demons are always there, they were lurking." Roger Federer
If the player can’t get out of a negative cycle, they keep losing points and keep making way more mistakes than they would when in a positive mindset and energy. Emotional resilience is a big indicator for who will win, no matter the talent. Cause without mental strength, this grit or resilience, they can’t showcase their talent. The abilities won’t flow. So the ability to get unstuck is a big factor for winning.
“Tennis is mostly mental. You win or lose the match before you even go out there.” Venus Williams
The players who have emotional resilience and strength, consistently, they still get stuck but way less often and can bounce back way quicker, on the average. And especially seem to be able to bounce back in the thougher moments.
“I really think a champion is defined not by their wins but by how they can recover when they fall.” Serena Williams
I’ve been watching tennis for over a decade now, and this is how I can tell who is gonna win (apart from physical injuries). If someone gets stuck and can’t get out, it’s over, no matter who it is. If they can get out, then anything is possible at any given moment. No matter the score, you can always turn it around and win. As long as the game is still on (there is no time limit in tennis) it is possible. I’ve seen many miraculous turnaround wins. Even from like one point away from losing, they can turn the momentum around and take the match. This always gives me so much hope. As long as I have life, I have a shot to “win”. You can always rise again, no matter how often you fall, as long as you always stand up +1 more time than you have fallen down.
“I’m a very positive thinker and I think it is what helps me the most in difficult moments.”
“I always believe that if you’re stuck in a hole and maybe things aren’t going well you will come out stronger. Everything in life is this way.” Roger Federer
8. You do the best you can today
You show up and do the best that you can, in this moment. And sometimes your best is at optimum level and sometimes that’s at 60%. So doing your best sometimes looks awesome and sometimes looks plain ugly and everywhere in between, but it always counts as doing your best. And even when your best looks ugly, you can still win.
“The mark of great sportsmen is not how good they are at their best but how good they are at their worst.” Martina Navratilova
Your best, that’s all you can do at any given moment. Whatever happens on the court, you did your best. So you can leave whatever happened in the match, win or lose, behind you. You gave it your all. Count it.
“Of course, I am very motivated to win… The only thing that I said is I have never been obsessed to try to be the best. ... That's it. I enjoy, I give my best always. I try to compete at my highest standards every day. Sometimes the highest standards are 60 percent, sometimes they are 100 percent. But I just try to give my best throughout my career, and that's it. For me the main thing is come back home with personal satisfaction that you gave it everything. That's what gives me happiness and makes me stay calm.” Rafael Nadal
9. Rest and relax in between matches: The balance of being and doing.
This is again one of those things that keep coming back over and over in interviews. How and what do you do to recover and prepare for the next match? (Often there is one day of rest in between hours long matches.)
And what stands out for me is rest and relaxing. A big part is getting your mind off the game and resting the body. Rest, restore, and relaxation seems key.
Sometimes they need to get their mind off of the tournament and they go sightseeing or out on a city walk or out to dinner. Sometimes they need more recovery after a long match and they will do a lowkey day, rest and watch some movies. Whatever it is, often in between matches they try to get away from tennis, take a mini break, so they can come back fresh and fit.
Rest and relaxing is a major part of being a pro athlete. The mind and body is their instrument and they take care of it well so it can perform optimally. It’s an important part of the winning formula.
Of course we know pro’s exercise and practise loads, but often we forget to acknowledge this recovery part, in pro’s, but also in our own lives. To rest and relax, just be and restore, is just as important as the exercise and all the doing. It helps you perform better. The balance of being and doing is essential for a healthy mind and body.
For life this is equally as important. We live in a society that gives more importance to doing. But I’ve noticed that the ability to rest and take care of yourself, is key, to succeed in life. If you don’t have balance between being and doing, sooner or later you will trip. For winning in life you need rest, relaxation, release, doing nothing in between all the doing and busyness. Winners, aka joyful people, know how to rest, relax and take care of themselves.
10. It takes a team to win
Win or lose, the first ones tennis players name in their acceptance or runner up speech are, either their team, family and friends or the audience, the fans that cheered them on. Cause they know they didn’t win on their own. They know and acknowledge they had help in winning. This can be physical, mental and emotional support. They travel with a team that often includes coaches, physio, sport psychologists and loved ones. They all help them in being the best version of themselves and help keep them focused, happy and healthy.
In life it’s the same. Nobody wins alone. People helped, whether it was conscious or not. Life is a team effort. We have our team of people who support us. This can also include professionals, I highly reccomend it actually. I have had many professionals ranging from therapists, acupuncturists, yoga and Qi Gong teachers, mentors, healers and health practioners, help and support me in my journey of being happy and healthy. Asking for help is a strength. Surround yourself with people who support and love you, and help you rise.
11. You have a champion’s attitude
You are gracious in defeat or win.
“Sportsmanship to me is when a guy walks of a court and you really can’t tell whether he won or lost, when he carries himself with pride either way.” Jim courier
If someone was just better, you acknowledge that and congratulate the opponent on a good match. A champion doesn’t seek to blame the weather or conditions or even a bad back or other injuries. This is again one of those big tennis philosophies. You are brave enough to look at yourself and see where you can still improve. A champion takes responsibility for their own mistakes and losses, learns from them, and cheers on another’s win.
“It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” Roger Federer
How you can tell a true champion’s spirit is that the person is ultimately the same person winning or losing. There is of course the happy or sad emotion, but a champion is always gracious, kind and generous to the opponent, themselves, to the game of tennis itself. An appreciative attitude for the game that they love. They behave in a way that honors the sport.
Appreciate the game of life. It’s a beautiful sport. It’s an honor to play. You are a champion.
With love,
An-na
