Tennis showed me that it’s possible to do the impossible

Me and Roger Federer after a match at Rotterdam Tennis tournament. Where he became no. 1 in the world again, at the time. It was also my bday, that was a GOOD week. Dream come true to see him play in real life.

Dear tennis,

You mean so much to me. You have a special place in my heart. You were there in the toughest of times. You gave me hope, inspiration, motivation, insights, wisdom, life lessons just by watching you, tennis. 

It’s been an emotional couple of months with two legends of the game leaving tennis. Serena first, then Roger. It’s a day that I’ve dreaded and knew would come one day. And now one day has come and passed and we’re on the other side of it. A tennis world in which they are now retired players. They were part of the tennis experience that brought me so much comfort. 

I started watching and following tennis tournaments back when I was sick, around 2009/ ‘10. I had Lyme disease and was confined to my bed and couch, for I could barely walk or sit up anymore at the time. I couldn’t watch movies and such cause I would forget who all the characters were and what was happening storywise. One day I was bored and was clicking through the tv channels and I happened upon a tennis match. I wanna say it was Del Potro playing on gravel. I remembered my sister, when we were teenagers, watching games of Steffi Graf and thought let's give it a go and see what it’s about. From that day I was hooked. I loved the excitement, the game, to see the path of a match unfold, it could go all ways, till the very end of it. And with each match and each tournament that I watched the love for the game grew and grew. It got a hold on me. 

Watching player after player go through the cycle of a match, over and over again, did something to me. Seeing people lose and get back up and go for it again at the next tournament was becoming this huge inspiration that I needed so much. Or even in a single match someone looked down and out if you see the scoreline. Get to one point from losing and being able to turn it around and against all odds win the match. Doing the seemingly impossible.

In my own life it looked like I was losing an impossible game. I had lyme disease for many years now and needed a wheelchair to be able to get around. I fought the idea of a wheelchair for too many years, as it would “officially” make me look like a sick girl. But I could barely walk 50-100 meters. My world got so small that I gave in to being in a wheelchair. I was 24 years young at the time. And of all the things I thought I was gonna do in my twenties, the last time that ever crossed my mind was being in one of those. I spent all of my twenties sick with Lyme. There is no set cure yet for Lyme, it’s still in the gray areas of unknown and yet to be discovered. And still I went to seek healing, a cure, relief, better quality of life. The big dream was one day to win the ultimate: Health. To be a young healthy vibrant girl once more and able to live my dreams. To be able to give life a go. 

I could not have predicted that tennis would play a huge part in my health, happiness and mental wellbeing. I was never into tennis before. Never watched it or played it. Didn’t even understand the game and point tallying system. I would have never guessed that I would become a tennis fan. And yet it became even more than that. I don’t know what the word is to describe it. But the stories of tennis gave me so much. 

Tennis is a very intense sport. It has tournaments almost through the whole year. If you play the whole calendar you have six weeks off at the end of the year. When you play a tournament you play every day or every other day. A match can take anywhere from about 1 hour up to 6 hours. The longest match played took 3 days: 11 hours and 5 minutes. Tennis is a grind. Win or lose the next tournament is just around the corner. And you start prep for the next one. The grind I could definitely relate to. 

There are so many stories in tennis. You have players that are stuck in a losing streak and trying to get out, trying to get out of that mentality, they keep showing up. There are players playing well who get injured and have to get better, start over and come back. Many have to do this over and over again. Not knowing if they can get back to health and their level. Playing so much can take a toll on the body. There are the hours and hours of training to stay fit and improve. Become faster, stronger and better. There are players who come out of left field that have unleashed their capacity somehow and start winning the big tournaments. There are the champions who do the seemingly impossible and break record after record. The players who have so much grit and keep fighting for every ball until the very end, no matter the scoreline, win or lose, they give it their all. All the players trying to play point by point. Forget what happened before and what will happen next. Just this point. 

All of those stories kept me going, fueled me with inspiration and hope. I too can win a seemingly impossible game. 

I remember watching Serena Williams play Roland Garros (a big tennis tournament in Paris). She started the tournament sick, a flu or something, and just wanted to give it a go. So odds were against her, but she won her first match, then her second and on and on until she was in the finals, still sick and snotty. Rumors were that she was not sure she could play. Every day we heard this rumor. But every day she showed up to at least give it a go and… she won it. Two weeks she played while sick and still won the whole tournament.

Her sister Venus got diagnosed with Sjögrens, an autoimmune disease. It impacted her play as it could bring sudden exhaustion (and other symptoms). It took her a while to get it stable, but she did and continued in top 10 level play. With a great attitude and a continued love for the game. Even getting back into Grand Slam (semi-) finals. And still playing at age 42, at the moment!   

The sisters showed me that even in illness I could still do great things. It felt so comforting. Those weeks of Serena playing sick in Paris, I cheered her on with all that I got. I needed to see a person who was sick get a win. I needed to see her do the impossible so I would know I could make the impossible possible too. No matter how it looks, no matter the odds, it’s possible to win an impossible game. 

Tennis was a huge part of my life when it looked like I was down and out. It was comforting and uplifting to see these stories of defeat, winning, improving, being stuck, getting unstuck, trying, falling and getting back up, fighting, passion and dreams coming true. It will forever be special to me. Especially the tennis and the players of that specific time. The time of the big four and the William sisters.

Saying goodbye to tennis icons Serena and Roger was tough because they were so much of the landscape of these past generations of tennis. It’s like suddenly two mountains have disappeared from the horizon. It’s disorientating. The tennis world looks different now. And boy did I enjoy them while they were there. Thank you both for being you. Thank you for the inspiration and beautiful, powerful tennis. Thank you for the joy of watching you play. 

Instinctively I used tennis and its players to empower myself. To let it fuel me. To let it teach me. To take their lessons and make them my own. Every day I felt like I was falling and every day I made the decision to (try to) get back up. For 9 years and 10 months I did this. I did the grind of being sick. The grind of training my body. I trained myself to sit up again. I remember I started with 30 seconds and barely making it. After 5/6 years I made it to being able to sit up for 4 hours. I trained myself to walk. Beginning at 1 min and making it to 20-25 min at the end of year 8/9. Mentally I played point by point. Every day I tried to forget the days, months, years that came before or possible that would still follow. I tried to make each day like it was day 1. To not carry all the pain and exhaustion of the years gone by. Too much to carry.

As I kept following tennis I realized that being sick is much like being a professional athlete. Everything revolves around this one thing, for them it was tennis, for me it was my health. You put in the time and energy. Into the training, into feeding your body and mind with positive foods. Literally and figuratively. Tennis is very much a mental game. As it is in being sick. Losing your mental game is losing the game. I learned to focus and refocus when necessary. I had this absolute commitment to my health. To get back my life. Day in day out for 9 years and 10 months. That's 3591 days. 3591 times I fell and 3591 times I chose to get back up until… thank all the gods there are, I won my own impossible match, I got my health back. HALLELUJAH. 

And tennis was there for me along the way. In its own way cheering me on. Thank you tennis and the players for your help and support. You helped me by just being there, being you and having fun. 

Thank you for showing me over and over again that it’s possible to do the impossible.