Your heart is talking to you. Are you willing to listen?
Photo by husband Jack. In front of our first home after we won the bid.
I have a very strong sense of intuition. I just haven't used it for most of my life.
I have a strong feeling of knowing what is true for me, most of the time. Using it is a whole different story. I ignored it and would step right over it, to please someone else. Only a handful of years ago, I really started to deepen my connection with my intuition. Started to understand what it is and how to use it. The understanding of it is quite simple, the using of it turned out to be the challenge.
What is intuition?
The definition of intuition:
“The ability to understand something instinctively, without the need for conscious reasoning.” -oxford languages dictionary
So to break the steps of intuition down:
You know something. Without thinking about it.
You don't start thinking about it.
You follow the knowing. Without thinking.
You know what the hard part is right?!
How the F*ck to not think about it!! And not let the thinking lead you astray from what you know in your heart to be true.
The voice in your head
We all have this voice in our head, that makes judgements, creates doubts and sees fear and danger in almost everything. It's to keep you safe. Not per se sane but it thinks it can create safety by pointing out all risks and fears. It never helped me feel safe. How about you?
This fearful voice advises me very badly. And yet the default of many is to ask this fearful voice as our first judge and primary advisor. This voice is born out of your deepest fears and pains from the past. It triggers the survival instinct in you to look for things to fear and what can hurt you. It's not gonna give you the most balanced or healthiest of advice. Not the most trustworthy advisor, especially as our first go to.
Get to know your intuition
Your intuition comes from beyond thinking. You can call it your heart, soul, god, universe or gut instinct, whatever vibes with you.
It's the wholeness in you guiding you on your path in life. It can show up as a feeling of knowing, seeing images, hearing a clear lucid voice, whatever it is to you. It's a personal mix in every person.
So the funny thing is the journey of getting to know your intuition is intuitive! I know, helpful much?! Only you will really know when your intuition is really your intuition. And the only way to figure this out is to try it out. Whether you are new to this or not, you will hit and miss. Sometimes you think it’s your intuition only for it to turn out being the voice in your head. But rest assured with practice you will recognise your intuition more and more. And you will want to follow it more and more. Following your intuition is living true to yourself and that’s gonna feel very very good.
Getting it way way wrong
Getting it wrong or not following my intuition is what inspired me to start to recognise and follow my intuition more and more. Cause all the times I didn't follow my intuition led to many, small or big, painful situations. Not speaking or following my truth caused a lot of pain in relationships, in health, in my mental wellbeing.
I've noticed that in relationships I overlook my intuition saying no, sometimes for seemingly small things, doing something for someone else because they want me to, even though I don't, or simply the feeling of not belonging together, although on paper we should match. I've seen myself ignore those small things until they build up to a pattern and hurt the relationship. Someone who I on paper matched in interests and personality yet I didn't click with in real life, and out of politeness didn't end the rising of a new friendship, cause the other person was really invested. I've done that a couple of times and every time something "bad" happens to end the relationship. A fight has to happen because we weren't meant to be friends and I knew this!
Don't even get me started on pleasing other people, that's breeding ground for resentment. Either you resent doing things for other people or people resent you when you stop doing things for them. I fell into that one way too many a time! Recognize it if you start to say to yourself, I should … instead of I want to … .
So now I try to be real with my intuition, be real with what my heart is telling me, cause this is the type of hurt that is avoidable. For myself and the people it involves.
Many times I looked back and knew that I knew I didn't listen to myself. I had the intuition to do or be otherwise and I didn't. Cause it's not always the easy thing to do or choose. Not societal or cultural approved of, the thing your heart knows to be true for you. So many heartbreaks only to end up with having to do/be what I knew in the beginning of it happening, was crazy making. I knew it from the start. What if I actually use this strong sense of intuition of mine for a change, from the start, when I start feeling it. Let's save ourselves some heartache shall we.
The magic of intuition
Intuition can bring you to beautiful magical moments.
One day I was thinking of my high school french teacher, Barbara, she was also my class mentor. When I was 17 I was going through a rough time, feeling depressed skipping school for almost 6 months on and off, she talked to me so many times after school and got me help. So she's very dear to my heart is what I want you to know.
So she popped into my mind that day. And I was like it would be great to see her again sometime. That evening I was tired and I was supposed to go to yoga and I wanted to skip but something in my heart was adamant for me to go to yoga. (I did do a little arguing against that) I didn't really understand cause in my mind I was like I can just not go and catch another one another night. But my heart was no, it's tonight. So I schlepped myself to yoga and arrived at the front door of the yoga building at the same time it opened and who walks out… Barbara!
Whom I got to see and talk to for a bit. Magical gift of a moment. Thank you intuition! I was amazed at what I intuitively knew. That I had to go and magic was waiting.
A couple of years ago, when we were looking to buy our first house, me and my husband, we looked at, at least 70 different options. It felt like we looked at hundreds of houses. It was a booming time for buying and overbidding was major. We did fell in love with a couple but not many. Until I discovered a previously unknown little neighboorhood in Amsterdam North. And my whole body had a reaction. I just could not stop smiling. And it was a huge smile. It was like my heart knew something. I liked and loved some properties, but this neighboorhood quite litterally lit me up. Every cell of my body and being felt joy. Felt at home, in someplace I didn’t even know existed. It was a major intuitive moment. I knew I couldn’t look in any other place than this one for our house.
We looked at like 7 houses in that area and each time walking the streets I felt lit up. The last one of the 7, I couldn’t attend the viewing, but my husband did. And while he was standing on the stairs he felt it, this knowing this is our house. He described it as just a feeling of certainty and recognition. And the univere conspired for us to have it.
It was the only time we had so little competition. Maybe because it was close to Christmas time, but we always had 70 other viewers at least at each property. This time like 10 or so. And overbidding was between 50.000 and 100.000 at every other place we had previously looked at. We didn’t have that deep pockets to overbid that much. We put a bid in that was comfortable for us. And… we got it. We only had two other people who had a lower bid then us. It was a housing miracle.
What is so amazing to me is that both of our intuitions told us this is our spot, this is where we will live and make our home together. I can’t explain why we knew, we just knew it. Felt it in every part of our being.
The more I listened to my intuition the more these magical moments started to happen. And it definitely keeps one motivated to continue on this path.
Your heart is talking to you
Your heart is one smart cookie, it guides you through your intuition. This feeling of knowing. Allow yourself to know what you know. Even if you don't consciously understand it. Allow yourself to want what your heart wants and to not want what your heart doesn't want. If your fearful voice makes its claim, you see it and say no, thanks. And you follow your heart. It knows who you are, is who you really are.
So it boils down to this:
Allow yourself to want what you want and not want what you don't want.
It simple, it's so fucking simple what it boils down to, the understanding of it. This mantra is how I've been deepening my intuition: I allow myself to want what I want and not want what I don't want.
And my practice is to shorten the time of arguing against myself. Of not allowing the fearful voice to keep delaying my intuition. Of allowing myself what my heart truly wants and knows is for me. Or not for me.
Your heart is talking to you, guiding you to a true, joyful, peaceful, fun and magical life. Are you willing to listen?
With love,
An-na
