Why dark humor is so healing, according to John Cleese
Photo by husband Jack. John Cleese on stage during his show “The last time to see me before I die”, in The Hague.
I happen to love a dark sense of humor. It just makes me laugh louder and deeper. When I have a hard day, chances are I will put on a stand-up special to laugh away the stress. To lighten up. To change my vibe. I feel laughter is transformative. The louder I laugh the deeper the transformation. So I often turn to the darker humored stand-ups.
A couple of months ago I went to see John Cleese. He was touring the Netherlands and I got tickets to the show in the Hague. It was a night of talking comedy, memories of Monty Python, new jokes and funny stories. A man who lived his whole lifetime in laughter. Trying to make people laugh. And he, as he said himself, is a man of dark humor. He gravitates to it himself and it's what he likes to see in other comedians.
What he noticed, in a lifetime of trying to figure out what makes people laugh, is that people always laugh the loudest when it is about a taboo, a darker subject. When it's about the things we don't tend to talk about normally, that's when people have the biggest laughs. Things like sex, pooping, death. His biggest hit jokes or scenes from Monty Python all involved taboo subjects. And he tried to figure out why that was and came to this theory (which makes a lot of sense to me): the taboo subjects will touch upon more tension in people and the release of this higher level of tension results in bigger laughs.
He based this on watching people watching his shows like Monty Python and Fawlty towers and saw it was always the same moments that got the biggest loudest laughter. Like the scene in Monty Python where the black knight loses his arms and legs, and says: ‘tis but a scratch. And with Fawlty towers a lot of the scenes that hinted towards sex.
When he explained his theory it felt very true to me. I realized that that's why I love dark humor, because it releases all that tension aka makes me laugh so hard. Which feels so good and relaxing. I think that's what people mean with laughter is the best medicine. It's the transformation of tension in relaxation. Which is literally the proces of healing. Stress turns into relaxation. Which is the state of health and happiness.
The Power of Relaxation
Which *big sidenote* is overlooked and misunderstood so often.
Relaxation is the state of health. If you want to be healthy (mentally, emotionally, physically) know that relaxation is health.
Being able to get back into a relaxed state after stress is healthy. Stress happens to all of us, it's not about avoiding or eliminating all stress, it's about the ability to bounce back into a relaxed state after stress. Not getting stuck in stress.
Relax with laughter
For me, and maybe it can be for you, laughter is one of my favorite ways to bounce back into a relaxed state. It's the funnest way I know. The work of healing can be hard and painful and a lot of times I just crave it to be fun, lighter and easier. And then I use laughter. I've used it A LOT by now!
Or as it is said in The book of joy - by Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama: "Laughing and crying are the same thing - laughing just feels better."
How laughter changed my life
I actually started to use laughter when I was sick (with Lyme for a decade), back in the '00s. There was this new thing arising here, which was laughter yoga. And well, as you can imagine, being sick I felt bad in all ways possible, mentally, emotionally and physically. And I was just craving to feel good in some way. And I was very drawn to this idea. Programs and stuff on youtube I saw keep mentioning that you didn't need a reason to laugh and feel good. And well that stirred something in me because by all means I did not have a reason to laugh or feel good. I was in my early twenties and could barely sit up or walk. I was undiagnosed for years and was in pain day after day. I did not feel I had a reason to laugh. But I did want so desperately to feel good. So I signed up for a class of laughter yoga.
That one class that I did, changed my relationship with laughter. It was a 2 hour class full of people wanting to feel good and laugh. They went after the laughter and it encouraged me to chase my own. Which was awkward.
Basically you do these fake laughter exercises to get the laughter going. Because it is hilarious to fake laugh and hear other people fake laugh, you will soon find yourself laughing for real. And it turns out that that is contagious. Real laughter draws out real laughter in others. And soon most were big belly laughing our asses off. And you don't even know what got you started or keeps you going anymore. You're just laughing for no reason at all. Afterwards, my stomach muscles were hurting from all the laughter. They were used that much.
Most importantly I never looked at laughter the same way. I had realized and experienced this unlocking of laughter inside myself that needed no reason to exist. A sense of feeling good for no reason at all. It simply was and I could connect to this in any moment, even if nothing changed right this moment. And I clung onto this newfound insight with all that I had cause feeling so bad in so many ways I really needed some light to get me through. And laughter was this light for me.
Not the kind of laughter or smile that you put on to pretend that you are happy and doesn't reach your soul. But a laughter that is real and lives inside you, uncaused, for no reason at all. Laughter that comes from your soul. I set out to connect with that inner smile as often as I could. I would smile at a stranger, a genuine smile, and often get a genuine smile back, which would make my initial smile stronger. As laughter, I knew, is contagious. When I was by myself I would smile a smile, which may or may not have started as fake, it would develop into a genuine one. This I would do multiple times a day. Smiling and laughing is what got me through a very tough time. It is very dear to me, my inner smile. I see my smile and laughter as a gift to myself. I do it for myself, not the world, although the world gets to enjoy it as well. It's a way that I connect to myself. To the part of me that is whole and well and needs no reason to feel good.
I feel this is what they mean when people talk about the smile of your inner buddha.
Connect with your inner smile
Try these out to connect to your inner smile:
By yourself or out in the world: Smile a smile until it reaches your heart and feels genuine. Keep the smile as long as you'd like.
Smile a genuine smile to a stranger (or loved one) on the street. You might get one back! Which always gives me a little high and deepens your initial smile.
Put on something that makes you LOL. Stand-up, a favorite comedy film, whatever rocks you boat. Some stand-up faves of mine: Ali Wong “Hard knox wife” and “Baby Cobra”, Dave Chappelle’s whole collection, Deon Cole’s “Colehearted” (all on netflix).
As a morning meditation: start with a smile. Then connect your smile to your body/organs. You do this by focusing on each part. From head downwards.
For example: first focus on your brain, smile into your brain, allow your smile energy to hang out in your brain. Then you can follow the way down, to your neck, lungs, heart, liver, spleen, stomach. Focus on each area and smile there. You end with an overall smile over your whole body. And hold for a little bit.
This meditation you can do in a couple of minutes and sets your day up in high vibes. If you're seeking to joy up your life this is such a beautiful way to do so. The results are remarkable. For years this was my go-to daily meditation and it always made the day more fun, lighter and joyful, even in tougher times. One of my all time faves.
LOL forever
Actually laughter is one of my all time favorite way to heal, to live, to enjoy myself. I love laughing. Is there anything better than the feeling of laughing your ass off, bend over, almost peeing your pants, laughing so hard that your cramping up in your stomach? Yes, that plus someone to share the laughter with. That is the absolute best. Laughing is the best. LOL forever.
With love,
An-na
